WORKING WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Neal A. Deutsch, CFP^®

Published in Rivertown Journal, September 2008

It was with great sadness that we lost a great person and friend last month. Shirley Bunton, the Co-Publisher of Rivertown had passed away. I met Shirley two years ago, when I began to write for Rivertown. Her sense of humor and positive love for life was abundantly clear. Mostly, I remember how she and Phil ran Rivertown together, with great precision and partnership. Rivertown has lost (but certainly will never forget) the engine that drove the train.

I too am blessed to be a business partner with my beloved wife Elizabeth. We spend pretty much every day together, starting our business day in the early morn over tea watching the news, reading the paper and discussing the events of the upcoming day, and plotting and planning what needs to be done long before we make it to the office. For us and others, being partners with our spouse in our professional life comes very naturally: for others, it’s just a really bad idea. When people learn that I work with my spouse they feel compelled to relay many stories of their own couples experiences or of couples that tried working together, but for various reasons decided that it sounded much better than the reality of the failed outcome. So I began to think…why does it work for some, and fail miserably for others? What does it take to have a wonderful working relationship with your spouse?

Respect is paramount in any relationship, personal or professional. As a coach in the business consulting department of our company, I find that with most couples that I work with there seems to be great diversity in the definition of respect. While the partners respect each other personally and as each other’s spouse, a sure-fire road to partnership failure starts when there is a lack of respect for the knowledge and experience that each individual has. In a successful business (or personal) partnership, each member has both strengths and weaknesses - it’s how we as humans are constructed. It is imperative to set ego aside and allow our partner to take charge and excel in their areas of strength. Regardless of your roll in the spousal relationship, this is business- if your partner has a handle on a particular area of expertise, let them be- keep your $.02 out of it!

Communication is an area severely lacking in any successful relationship. It is important to constantly communicate with your partner so each of you knows how and what you are thinking. Communication and respect go hand in hand- talk to your partner, not at them. Don’t expect things to get done simply because you think they will: meet on a regular basis and share your expectations for the short and long term periods. Make sure “one hand knows what the other is doing.”

Planning together sets forth your intentions. Shooting from the hip or running your business by gut feeling leads to surprise, disagreements and failure. Design a business plan together so you both are on the same track. Yogi Berra, known for his off-the-cuff comments once said “if you see a fork in the road, take it!” Make sure you both are in agreement as to which way to go - don’t divide and separate at the fork.

Remember- at the end of the day, you will go home together. Working as a team is a bit of a dance. Some of us prefer a fox trot to a hustle, some a mambo to the monkey- the key is to always have fun with your dance partner. If you plan for your future, communicate and respect each other every day, it’s a sure fire recipe for success! 

Neal A. Deutsch is a Certified Financial Planner^™  & Registered Securities Principal, offering securities through First Allied Securities, Inc., member FINRA/SIPC.  Neal is President of Chestnut Investment Group in Suffern, NY, helping people with financial planning since 1984. Please feel free to call Neal at 845.369.0016 or email him with your questions at neald@chestnutinvestment.com. Visit his website at www.chestnutinvestment.com