WHEN THE PARENT BECOMES THE CHILD
Neal A. Deutsch, CFP®
Published in Rivertown Journal, March 2008
Providing Care for Older Individuals
In our office, it is common for us to care for two generations of clients: in
some instances, we are blessed to have a relationship with three generations
in the same family. As such, it should come as no surprise to anyone that we're
living longer. For example, a child born in the year 1900 had an average life
expectancy of 47.3 years. However, for a child born in 2004, average life expectancy
had increased to 77.8 years.*
Over the recent past, medical science has defeated numerous diseases that
once shortened the lives of many. These extra years are not without their problems;
living longer allows people to come down with illnesses that, in years past,
they would not have lived long enough to develop.
As a person ages, health problems can gradually become overwhelming, to the
point where the individual is no longer capable of living independently or
handling his or her personal affairs. Often, a child will then step in to "help
out." Gradually,
a role reversal takes place in which the child becomes the parent and the parent
becomes the child.
Planning Ahead - If Possible
If possible, planning ahead makes the process easier. A child who is taking
over a parent's situation will often be handed total responsibility for the
parent's well being. To the extent that the parent is able, he or she must
be kept involved. Some key areas include:
• Finances: Managing the parent's income, assets, and
liabilities, paying the bills, and seeing that income tax returns are prepared.
• Medical: Understanding the parent's medical situation
and history, insuring that needed medical care is provided, and dealing with
required medication.
• Benefits: Making maximum use of any benefits that might
be payable from former employers, Medicare, Medicaid, or the Veteran's Administration.
• Key Documents: To carry out the parent's wishes and
legally act on the parent's behalf, an adult child will need key documents
such as wills, trust documents, a durable power of attorney for health care,
a general power of attorney, and a "living will" or advance health
care directive.
When to Intervene?
Very few of us want to intrude in our parents' lives. It is only when we begin
to notice certain "things" about Mom and Dad that we begin to consider
stepping in. Problems such as memory loss, dementia, diminished sight or hearing,
incontinence, and falling are signs it's time to intervene. Two initial questions
must be answered:
- What needs to be done? What is the appropriate level of care and/or type
of living arrangement? Often, this question is answered in consultation with
the parent’s physician or with the help of a geriatric care manager.
- Who will be in charge? This task frequently falls to the
child who is the closest, geographically, to the area where the parent resides.
Sometimes, younger family members may decide to share the responsibilities.
In other instances, a child with special skills or aptitudes may be chosen.
Preparing for the End
Even longer lives eventually end. The caregiver's responsibilities in this
final stage of life are just as important as in any other. One key goal is
to honor the terms of the elderly individual's advance health care directive.
A "Do Not Resuscitate" (DNR) order may be required, when even heroic
medical efforts serve no real purpose. You may have to arrange for hospice
care when death is near. Allowing the elderly the opportunity for a death
with dignity and respect is as important as caring for them when they are
alive.
*Source: National Center for Health Statistics. Deaths: Final Data for 2004.
Neal A. Deutsch is a Certified Financial Planner™, Registered
Securities Principal and President of Chestnut Investment Group in Suffern,
NY, helping people with financial planning since 1984. Please feel free to
call Neal at 845.369.0016 or email him with your questions at neald@chestnutinvestment.com
Feel free to visit his website at www.chestnutinvestment.com
| 
